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Saturday, October 8th, 2005
1:48 am - connections.....
365 powers created the world, according to the Apocryphon of John... Among the 613 powers of the soul in Judaism, guess how many of those were considered dark powers......... 365.

Abrasax, the unification of God and Demiurge, sometimes described as the 'true name of god'. The letters of Abrasax in Greek add up to 365.

Sometimes I feel like my heart is going to explode.

current mood: A B R A C A D A B R A

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Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
4:22 am - to the lonesome......
To those of you out there who are lonely (lets be honest, thats most of you), I have a newfound secret to let you in on...... You dont have to be.

I really think that perception is reality & that we are the eradicators of our own hope.

I decided that I didnt want to be lonely anymore. I managed to make a few new friends. Awesome ones. If I can do it, almost anyone can.

current music: vice squad: last rockers

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Friday, July 15th, 2005
7:42 pm
Seeing people you work with is career suicide.

Even if people are discreet, someone -always- finds out.

Give me thoughts.
Lots of them.

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Tuesday, June 14th, 2005
10:27 pm - the human body.......
the human body replaces nearly every cell within two years.....
it replaces nearly every particle within about seven years.

yet we keep the same memories & the same personalities.....
the human body is fascinating.

current music: black eyed peas: lets get retarded

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Sunday, May 29th, 2005
8:03 pm - branching out
Update.......

* I have been thinking a lot about Christ & my love for him. I dont know that he saves, or that there are even any sins worthy of atoning for other than ignorance. He was a teacher who once brought the world to truth, which alone can save. It doesnt make sense to me that the savior can have human nature. Maybe he only seemed human. I mean, the angels who visited Abraham appeared to be men..... I dont think that the savior saves & that if he was man, he was created through sex. I dont intend to offend. These are merely thoughts....

* Work is going extremely well. Every day in my new position is a test of acceptance, compassion & discression.

* I am looking to buy a house. There is one house in Squirrel Hill that I have my eye on. Now if only I can get the owner to bend into my price range.

* Still single. Much less cynical. Feeling much less hopeless.


In other news,

The world that we perceive is an illusion created by someone who does not love us.

current mood: content
current music: you dont want to know.....

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Thursday, May 19th, 2005
10:09 pm
she is going to live.
its truly a miracle. like, a medical miracle.
all odds were against her, but she pulled through & is conscious & off of life support. everyone is okay. everything is going to be okay.

current mood: hopeful

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Sunday, May 1st, 2005
12:32 am - another one.....
My friend OD'd today.
It doesn't look like shes going to make it.

Why does this keep on happening?
I cant think.
Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
8:37 pm - Sociopathic Social Climber
To celebrate my new position at work, I bought the 'Sociopathic Social Climber' shirt that benefits St.Judes. I cant wait to get it in the mail...

Here it is:
http://www.bluefly.com/pages/search/results.jsp?Ntt=sociopathic+social+climber&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2003474847&Nu=Product+ID&Ntx=mode+matchallpartial&N=2003474847&Ntk=all&Ne=500000

In other news.... Lately I have been spending a lot of time considering the cause of the flaws in the universe... Considering that perhaps the flaws that exist in the universe stem from flaws in the Creator. Or maybe thats just an excuse to not progress.... Or an invitation for progression through acceptance.........................

current mood: tired
current music: air

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Friday, February 4th, 2005
8:30 pm - stolen
This is the way leaves fall around a tree in autumn, a tree unaware of the rain running down its sides, of the sun or the frost, and of life gradually retreating inward, the tree does not die. It waits.

-Hermann Hesse

current mood: peaceful
current music: la floa maldita

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Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
3:30 am - pretty close.
Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results
Warmth |||||||||||| 34%
Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Emotional Stability |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Aggressiveness ||||||||||||||| 50%
Liveliness ||||||||||||||| 50%
Dutifulness ||||||||||||||| 42%
Social Assertiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Sensitivity |||||| 18%
Paranoia ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Abstractness ||||||||||||||| 46%
Introversion |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Anxiety |||||||||||| 34%
Openmindedness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Independence ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Tension |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)
personality tests by similarminds.com


current mood: weird
current music: neutral milk hotel

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Saturday, January 8th, 2005
11:26 pm
12/17 was three years. No drugs, no alcohol.
Howbout that.

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11:17 pm - 3/21/2001

you come to this conclusion
without finding an end
because from here your reminded,
even other peoples lives must be rewritten
if it will reflect any character at all


-Jesse Vaughan 3/21/01

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Thursday, August 12th, 2004
2:46 am - happy
DanK, one of my two long lost best friends from high school is in town! I got a call at around midnight.... Him telling me that hed gotten out of the military, was in Pittsburgh, and was on his way over. We thought that he would have to stay for a few months longer... He just has this way of showing up... So wonderful. I had such a fantastic day. Being able to catch up with him was just a perfect ending to an already great day.

Things have been looking up.

current mood: accomplished
current music: neutral milk hotel: two headed boy

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Sunday, June 27th, 2004
8:32 pm - beating
my heart feels like it is going to explode. i dont know that that is good or bad. i dont think it matters.


sometimes i feel like ive like, put my life on pause. then i snap to and comprehend the catastrophe all around me. maybe im repressed...and maybe i am living proof that life is what you make of it.



"I have hardly anything in common with myself and should stand very quietly in a corner, content that I can breathe." -Franz Kafka

current mood: confused

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Saturday, May 22nd, 2004
6:40 pm - 5am friday........
I wrote this at 5am on the day of the show.. It isnt as eloquently written as it could be, but it gets the point across.... Read.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Influences in Art


Many prominent cultural figures and movements influenced Jesse Vaughan’s art. While there were a few exceptions, his prominent artistic influence was not typicly derived from visual artists, but by various esoteric and contemporary literature.
Vaughan’s earlier work is filled with images of angels and devils, darkness vs. light. His paintings were raw and suggestive, however using vibrant colors to illustrate the generally arcane subjects of his paintings, such as black winged angels with white eyes with a bright green background, a woman with no face walking through thorned blue roses, and a sky blue man with a blood red phoenix creating his rib. “The Sensation of Running Away” is of a bright blue and green couple making love.
At the time he was heavily influenced Rimbaud, a 19th century poet. Rimbaud helped to popularize synesthesia, which is the description of one sense experience in terms of another. This was a device often used by symbolists and by Vaughan, lending further explanation as to why literature and philosophy so influenced his art. Rimbaud’s work, like Vaughan’s, was quite suggestive and drew on subconscious sources, what was therefore produced was something novel, fresh and innovative.
Vaughan concentrated on different mediums of art. One that was a constant was painting on abandoned things (such as walls and trains) with spray paint. One of his influences was Jean-Michel Basquiat. As a prominent figure in the 1980s pop art scene, Basquiat primarily used spray paint. He considered his work more than simple graffiti, but as fine art. He developed cartoonish characters and political slogans that he would spray paint onto canvas and walls.
Basquiat was known to paint on unconventional items, much like Vaughan (who fancied using wood blocks and walls to canvas). In Vaughan’s painting “Apples”, he used acrylic paint, collage, shoe polish and bone to create it. Vaughan, like Basquiat was inclined to find something in a junkyard and turn it into art.
It seems logical to say that in a sense they both set out to challenge status quo with their mediums. From the style, to the subject matter, to the locations that he chose to paint in, Vaughan, like Basquiat, was out to change the world.
'The science and art of causing change in conformity with will,” is thee definition ov Magick by occultist Aleister Crowley. This concept is characteristic of how Vaughan employed graffiti art for such challenges. While Jesse had many influences, they seem to ultimately tie back into the drawing on subconscious sources and an aspiration for change through art.




-W M.

current mood: okay
current music: coil: lacrimosa

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6:29 pm - the benefit......
....Last nights benefit was *incredible*.
I hope that Jesse would have been proud...........

The whole evening was beautiful. The art, the bands, the venue, the people, the energy... Everything.

I am so surprised and pleased that I was able to put my sorrow aside to do this for him. He was alive last night. One of his greatest wishes was fame, to be remembered, and I wont be content if i stop trying to help him accomplish that.. I refuse to refer to his art in past tense. Refuse, refuse, refuse...

A promise is a promise, afterall.

current mood: pleased
current music: vnv nation: legion

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Tuesday, May 11th, 2004
2:46 pm - Fire and Ice Benefit
FIRE AND ICE

May 21st @ The EYE 4814 Penn Ave
ALL AGES 8pm



Proceeds benefit the Jesse Vaughan Mamorial Scholarship Fund for: Pittsburgh Center for the Arts.

details )

current mood: blank
current music: bowie: ziggy stardust

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Friday, April 2nd, 2004
3:46 pm - the show...
The tribute was, in my opinion, spectacular. We achieved our goal, which was to throw a damn good tribute for Rozz, and also to honor him as an artist and a poet, as well as a musician.

Our performers were very diverse. Jordan Decay did spoken word, Somna played some mind numbingly beautiful covers on her harp. EXP played with Rozz and were some of his best friends.. What they all had in common, was that they had been inspired by Rozz Williams.

There was an alter set up, and everyone involved in the event lit a candle for him. I felt so honored that EXP flew here from LA. There were people in attendance who drove for hours and hours to be there. There were some older heads there who I hadnt seen out and about in years. There werent a lot of people there, but the crowd that we had were the kinds of people that we hoped would show up..... People who appreciated the event for what it was. What it was, was fresh and inspiring.

The venue cleaned up nicely, and everyone there seemed to be enjoying themselves. Things didnt work out as well as they could have at the after party, but RB and TP seem to have left happy, despite. TP showed up when doors opened, so I didnt have much of a chance to interact with them, but Radio Berlin were really nice, and very Canadian. :)

People kept on apologizing for the lack of attendance, and any possible monatery loss, but hell, THAT WASNT THE POINT!!!! Property Project didnt expect to make money. It was something that Klawdya felt in her heart, that she needed to do. Besides....

The bands were great, the crowd was beyond great, EXP were wonderful to talk to and work with and Rozz's art was honored. How much better could it have gotten?

I was proud to be a part of the event, and yet again showed me how important working with the Property Project has become to me. We are *doing* something.. Not sitting around bitching about how the "scene" has wronged us and then giving up. We are doing something that hasnt been done. As a director, for personal reasons, I was not as involved in this show as I could have been, I hope that I am forgiven and that I can soon actively resume working full time for the project. I want to thank Klawdya and Razz for their hard work and dedication. I also want to thank everyone who came out and supported the event, as well as our sponsors and volunteer performers.

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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
6:22 am - preview to the interview...
Ace Farren Ford said that "when it comes to Valor, which is an ironicly unfitting name for him, i like to refer to the old addage 'discression is the better part of Valor'"

EXP however agrees that it is better to not have any representation of valor at the event because "any mention of valor is publicity for valor, and we wouldnt want that, would we?"

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5:52 am - klaw came back..
Klaw came back from LA yesterday. She got to hang out with EXP (with the exception of Paris).. They brought their kids. :)

Something really interesting came up in conversation. When Valor came up, they said that they were "shocked, offended and hurt" that people are that callous and that misinformed about a situation that they "couldnt possibly know the truth about because they werent there".

Once and for all, we have it confirmed with the people who actually lived through it that Valors intentions from the start, were to take control of Christian Death and to push Rozz out of it. Regardless of whether or not Valor made good music, that is what happened. They are putting that in an interview that they are doing wiht Property Project. And that Gitane Demone knew then and now that they were scamming rozz and that she is eternally regretful, wheras valor is not sorry, knew then as he knows now that Christian Death would put money in his pocket. That explains why he waited till Rozz was slobbering drunk to sign over the rights to certain Christian Death works, which is why he is allowed to perform Christian Death songs that he had little to do with..

Look for the published interview with EXP on propertyproject.org when it is doen, and also on the EXP website, which Klawdya will be making.

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